Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
