my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
