I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
