can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
