she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
