just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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