Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
