just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
