Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
