I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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