She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
