Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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