I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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