He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
