there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When did angry sex become our thing?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
