one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
