it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
