My room smells like vodka and shame
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
