he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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