the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
