i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
