You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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