Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
