best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
