who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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