Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
