I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
wow bdsm is so cute
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
