I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
