to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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