so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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