I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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