matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
