sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
