Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
