You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
