ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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