is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
