John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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