He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
