just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
