shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
