areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
