dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
