You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
