My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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