im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
