Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
