just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
