im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
