I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you would pick up someone in the library
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
