There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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